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How do you behave when you don't have to?

So often we live from behind a mask, a mask of social acceptance. We do what we believe, or hope, will gain approval, or at least will avoid disapproval, from others. But this mask hides our true character and this character is displayed in those moments when we think no-one is watching or when we are so engrossed in our own gratification/emotional state that we don't care who's watching.

Your true character is displayed by your behaviour when there are no controls or restrictions on your behaviour. Now there are 2 levels of control. External and Internal and tragically all too many people are more influenced by the external controls as they have not taken the time to develop internal controls.

External controls are based on the "Carrot and the Stick" strategy. The carrot is the reward for doing well. The stick is the punishment for doing badly. People in this mode are are always either trying to get things or to get away from things and are totally controlled by their environment. This is a highly stressful way to live as they are letting other people set the parameters for their behaviour. The risk of this strategy is that you can quickly become resentful if you don't get what you thought/hoped you would get, even though you have "played by the rules" and even worse is that when the controls are gone your true character emerges and this is seldom good for anyone. These people are what I call "Outside in" people they let the situation determine their behaviour.

Internal controls are your personal values and sense of integrity. When these are clearly defined and you commit to living by them then you do the things that you do because that is the kind of person that you are. You remain true to yourself no matter what the situation. You do the right thing, not to get something or to get away from something but because it's the right thing to do. When you live like this then you are an "Inside out" person. Your behaviour in any situation is determined by your values and sense of integrity.

Something that each one of us must realise is that somewhere inside of us is what I call "the invisible lunatic". This is the beast that we must control if we are to be accepted in society and are to be regarded as civilised. I am sure that you have at some time experienced this beast. The times when you fly into a rage and say and do things that you later deeply regret. You see this invisible lunatic has only one aim and that is to go on the rampage and destroy things and others. It has only one concern and that is self gratification at all costs. You have to consciously control your "invisible lunatic" at all times as it is always looking for a way out and any relaxation on your part gives it the opportunity it needs.

But lets look at some of the times when our controls are lowered or removed

I was drunk. How many times has this excuse been used? I was too drunk to know what I was doing. Nonsense. If you are too drunk to know what you are doing then you have passed out and can't do anything. All that the alcohol does is lower your inhibitions, your conscious controls, and then you get into a state where you don't care what others think, you only care about what you want. (Here I speak from experience. There was a time in my life when I really drank a lot of alcohol and I can not think of any time when I did not know what I was doing). Because your controls are gone you will do what you really want to do, things that under normal circumstances you wouldn't do because of the consequences.

I was angry. Something that you must be aware of is that when emotion enters the picture, reason, logic and rational thinking leave. Here again the excuse is often used that "I didn't know what I was doing" and again I am going to say, nonsense. You always know what you are doing it's just that when you are in a rage you are so wrapped up in yourself that you don't care and you make no effort to control your behaviour.

Money made them bad. I have often heard this, mostly from people who don't have money, but whoever says it, it is not true. Money cannot make anyone bad. All that money does is gives you the "freedom" and opportunity to do what you really want to do. So if you behave badly when you have money it's because that's who you really are. It's why, strangely enough some people are frightened of having money as they are scared of what they will do once they get it, so they choose to stay poor to avoid the risk. There is a better way.

Before we go onto the strategy that will truly free you, try this test; What would you do if you thought you could get away with it or you knew that you wouldn't be held accountable for the consequences? The answer to this question is an accurate indication of your true character.

So how can you control your behaviour so that you behave the way that you ought to behave even when you don't have to? It's a simple matter of clearly identifying the character that you want to have and you do this by first deciding on the reputation that you want. How do you want others to talk about you? If they were to describe you what would you want them to say? How do you want them to feel about you? How do you want to be remembered and what do you want to be remembered for? When you have got the answers to these questions clear in your mind you must decide what behaviour will generate the result that you want and then you must commit to behaving that way.

Just remember that how you behave when you don't have to shows your true character so develop the internal controls to behave the way you ought to behave even when you don't have to and then you will be able to say that you are in control of your life.

To live your best life be true to the YOU, that you want to be.

Live with passion. Change your life from making a living to making a difference.

Live up to the reputation that you want to have.