OnLine Coach 

I'm going thru the most difficult period of my life.  I've been out of the office for so long.  my son was ill and just when we thought he'd mightily improved the worst happened.  I lost my son to an incompetent anaesthetist's negligence.  I feel like dying too.  he honestly was all i had to live for.  nothing else mattered but his getting well and growing up.  my heart's very broken.  it's not been easy for me.  can you tell me something to make me feel better?

How do you deal with the loss of your child, this life that was borne by you, I don't know, I have never had to do it.

So many people will tell you to be strong, they don't mean harm, I think that they just do not know how to deal with your grief. I think that it is important to grieve, to have an emotional cleansing, the "stiff upper lip" approach is only for those too afraid to show that they are human and that they too have feelings.

Beware however of focussing so hard on what you have lost that you overlook all you have left. Your son's life was precious but so is yours. What will it help if, because he lost his life, you give up on yours. You have your memories, cherish them.

You have your life, live it. Do you think that it would please your son for you to stop living? Do you think that he would want you to be unhappy? How do you think that it makes the other people in your life feel that you place so much importance on the loss of your son that you are prepared to lose them too.

Life is fragile and precious and must be cherished for we never know when it will end. We come into this world with our return ticket already stamped we just do not know when it will be called up. Death is a part of life, we must learn to accept it. We must learn that at some time everyone we know will move on, and be lost to us in this world. We too will move on and be lost to those who remain, but death is never final until the memory of the person has died. While you keep the memory alive you are never alone.

Do not be afraid of death rather be afraid of not living. Live each day as if it were your last because one day you will be right. Do the things that you need to do. Say the things that need to be said. Remember that we pass this way only once.

So often when we mourn the passing of a loved one. We think of the lost opportunities. We think of what could have been. Things we should have said. Things we should have done. We cannot change the past. We cannot undo what has been done. We must accept the situation and understand that we do no good by dwelling on what might have been. But we can use this opportunity to take a fresh look at our lives. Let us make a promise that we will not let this happen to us again. Contact your loved ones tell them how you feel, do the things you know that you should, so that when you are faced with this situation again your grief over the loss of a loved one is not tainted with guilt over things not said or done.

This piece may help you to put things into perspective

"Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well."

(Henry Scott Holland)

I would like to leave you with this Irish farewell blessing

May the road rise up to meet you

May the wind be always at your back

May the sun shine warm upon your face and

The rain fall soft upon your fields

And until we meet again

May your God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

To live your best life be true to the YOU, that you want to be.

Live with passion. Change your life from making a living to making a difference.

Live up to the reputation that you want to have.