OnLine Coach 

Thanks For the thoughts every day. I was wondering if you perhaps have something about marriage. You see, I'm getting married one of these days and i'm not sure if this is the man i'd like to spend thye rest of my life with. i've been praying over it , but how will i be sure?

It is normal to get the "jitters" just before marriage. This is a big step in your life and you are right to question.

Some questions that you should answer are:

Do you see yourself growing old with this man?

When you think of having children with him how do you feel?

How do you feel when you see him after he has been away or at the end of the day?

Do you look forward to spending time alone with him?

Are you comfortable to just be together, not doing anything but being together?

Do you look for reasons to avoid his company or being alone with him?

Look at the answers that you have given, how many of the answers indicate a strong relationship?

Now write a description of your man's character. Do not try to justify any statement just write down exactly how you see him, how you see his behaviour.

Fill in the "Personal Information" questionnaire replacing the word "job" with relationship and having the job title as "future wife"

Next get some paper and do the Frustrations, Expectations and Responsibilities exercise (attached). You will already have identified some of your frustrations in the previous exercises but write down everything, hold nothing back. An important issue here is that you do not use "name calling" do not label a situation, write down what caused you to feel and say that. In other words do not say "He is an insensitive person" rather describe what it is that he does or does not do that causes you to think that he is insensitive.

Now that you have identified your frustrations move onto your expectations. What is it that you want or expect instead of what you are now getting. Clarify your expectations or you will just create more frustrations ( the problem with most people is that they do not know what they want they just know they haven't got it and they won't be happy until they get it) Answer all the questions regarding your expectations to ensure that they are reasonable.

Now for the most important part. Now you must identify your responsibilities. What must you do in order to ensure that your expectations are met? How must you behave in order to get what you want?

In all things we must realise that we are not innocent. Somewhere we have made a contribution to the situation. A key element in happy relationships is that you "strive first to identify and fulfil your responsibilities before you insist on asserting your rights"

You are the only one who can answer these questions and if you are honest with yourself you will get confirmation of the answer that you already have but are too afraid to admit.

I trust that you will make the right decision, now all you have to do is trust yourself.

To live your best life be true to the YOU, that you want to be.

Live with passion. Change your life from making a living to making a difference.

Live up to the reputation that you want to have.