OnLine Coach 

I sent out an email "Don't do it again" and I received this comment in reply

Hi Johan

Forgiveness is not yours to give. Forgiveness simply means that you are imposing your value system on someone else's value system. If you realise that nothing is ever wrong or out of order in the universe, you will find that there is a miracle born out of every difficult situation you have ever faced in your life. If you can learn to appreciate the good and the bad in everybody, thereby equilibrating every situation, all you will experience is love, pure presence and gratitude.

For example, I felt the need to forgive my father for all the harm he had caused me, but when I learnt to equilibrate his persona, and find the lessons in all the tough times I had with him, I did not need to forgive him. All I felt in my heart was pure love and appreciation for the valuable lessons I learnt during those hard times, thereby releasing us both from the karmic contract that we had with each other.

My point therefore is that nothing is ever wrong, or out of order, it simply is. Therefore there is nothing to forgive. If you can master this all you will experience in your life is pure love and appreciation, for love is the synthesis of all complimentary opposites.

Thanks for your letter I appreciate it that you took the time to write.

For me this is true and not true.

The reality of the world is the state of "what is" however we very seldom if ever react to the reality of the world we react to the reality we create by how we interpret the reality of the world. So we do not react to "What is" we react to "What we THINK it is"

I believe that there are few if any people in this world who are truly non-judgemental and unable to resist imposing their values system on others. By the very fact that you reacted to my message shows that you are feeling that there is a difference between what I say and what you believe. This difference does not make either of us right or either of us wrong. It merely makes us different and therein lies the wonder of the world and the opportunity to learn from each other.

The issue of forgiveness has been drummed into us since we could talk. Saying sorry and having your apology accepted was an integral part of your childhood. This has led to a totally erroneous understanding of forgiveness and apology.

Forgiveness and apology are not about making the other person feel better, they are about making you feel better by releasing you from the burden of guilt and anger.

At a very deep quantum level you may be right with your statement that "nothing is ever wrong or out of order" but for the average human being this is just too deep a philosophy to accept. How do you explain to the victims of rape, child abuse and violent crime that all is well and is as it should be.

No-one should ever have their personal integrity violated. No-one should ever have to have such indignity thrust upon them. No-one should ever have their trust so abused. I cannot accept that this is OK.

My philosophy and counselling to these victims is that while you cannot always control what happens to you, you can, and you should, control how you deal with what happens to you. Do not continue to be a victim by constantly reliving the event. Do not continue to be a victim by plotting your revenge. Do not continue to be a victim by allowing the perpetrator to control your thoughts.

Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to like them or even ever see them again.

Forgiving someone does not mean that you condone what they have done.

Forgiving someone is the ultimate act of self love as it releases you from your burdens and frees you up to move on with your life.

I believe that forgiveness is an essential element of a spiritually and emotionally mature persons life.

To live your best life be true to the YOU, that you want to be.

Live with passion. Change your life from making a living to making a difference.

Live up to the reputation that you want to have.